What to Say Instead If You Actually Want to Change Your Habits
Ever try to talk yourself out of a craving? “Don’t eat that.” “Don’t have the ice cream.” “Don’t sneak the cookie.” It seems simple enough in theory, but in practice? Before we know it, we’re halfway through the pint wondering what happened. Here’s the thing, it’s not about willpower. It’s about how your brain works.
This all comes down to how the subconscious mind processes information. And surprise, it’s not very logical. The subconscious doesn’t separate truth from fiction or real from imagined. It just believes what it hears. And weirdly enough, it doesn’t understand the word don’t. Yup, you read that right.
If I say to you, “Don’t think of a pink elephant,” what do you picture? Exactly. A big, fluffy, bubblegum-colored elephant just popped into your mind. That’s because the brain skips over the “don’t” and grabs on to the rest. So when we say, “Don’t eat the cookie,” our brain hears, “Eat the cookie.” No wonder we feel like we’re constantly fighting ourselves. So what do we do instead? We flip the script. Focus on what you will do rather than what you won’t. If you’ve been listening to my podcast or reading these articles, you might’ve already noticed that I try not to harp on what not to do. That’s intentional. I’d rather we talk about the actions we’re going to take, the positive steps, because that works with your brain instead of against it.
So rather than saying, “Don’t eat junk,” say, “I’m going to eat a salad today,” or “I’ll make sure I hit my protein goal.” Instead of, “Don’t eat the candy,” maybe it’s, “I’ll stay across the room from the candy bowl,” or “I’ll have some fruit after lunch.” These small tweaks in self-talk are powerful. They give your brain a clear, actionable cue to follow, and one that doesn’t involve wrestling your inner pink elephant.
There’s another upside to this shift. When we focus on positive action, we stop feeling so deprived. We’re not obsessing over what we’re avoiding, we’re building something we actually want. Motivation starts to come from a different place. Not fear. Not guilt. But vision. Intention. Desire. This little change in language is a big shortcut to behavior change. Want to feel energized? What will you do to feel that way? Want to feel strong, light, focused, calm? Then instead of narrowing your world by restriction, widen it with possibilities. What are the things you’ll do to create that feeling?
So here’s your reminder: Don’t say “don’t.” (See what I did there?) Do say what you will do. Talk to yourself like someone who already believes in where you’re going. Because that version of you, the one with habits that feel second nature, starts with the words you say today.